my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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