I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
