I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
