Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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