Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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