when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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