im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
