i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
