After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
