Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You are a genius and a whore.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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