piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
