shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
