I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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