yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
