He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
