I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
