her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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