Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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