Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
