this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
