We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
