she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
