K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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