it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
