He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
