Non-Jews are for practice
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
