We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
