Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
