and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
