we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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