Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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