Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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