make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
