so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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