this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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