...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize