Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
