I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
