Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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