I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize