I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
