he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
