His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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