I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
