Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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