Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize