I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
