I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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