How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
