you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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