Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
