this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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