SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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