so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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