i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
