She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
