Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
