I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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