Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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