Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
