Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
