Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
