Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
