i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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