I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
