I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
