I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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