I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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