PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
