never play flip cup with pint glasses
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
