I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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