Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize