Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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