We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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