I wanna passion pit in your ass
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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