i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
