Is it normal to miss your booty call?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
