just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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