I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
