shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
