If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
